Growing.
It's crazy... It's really something. I have no idea what to even say or think about it other than how awesome it is... pretty crazy sometimes feeling these crazy palpitations that randomly hit me in the chest at un-expected, very sudden moments, totally changing the pattern of my breath drastically. Like... I don't know... a heavenly heart attack you know but, attacking you with a realization of some kind or attacking you with,,, Love maybe? How would you describe it? The feeling you get when you're totally sure of something. Totally sure that you are on the right path, totally sure you're beyond the point of no return, however, still not sure where you're going, how you're gonna make it all the way there, how far you are from the beginning and how far away or close you are to the point you wanna reach and maybe how you know... ramble ramble...
You ever ask an old couple how they did it? Or how they knew? You ever get that answer that they just knew? You think that when you know you just know? Like when you're looking for a career and you are young and a little confused because there are a million things you wanna do, a million places you wanna be, a million confirmations from loved ones that you have ability, that you're special and powerful and full of infinite potential! But the feeling that you're not moving your feet because you're still trying to figure out which direction to point them before you take that nearly impossible first step. Nearly impossible because we fill ourselves with the false notion that impossible is what it is.. and it's not. This applies to meeting your dreams or meeting your dream girl or dream boy. This applies to mastering your craft, art, science, skill, talent career...
Why am I saying all this and where is it coming from. Well, shit, it's coming from my heart I know that. I feel a great deal of powerful love surrounding me and it is resonating like every note in your favorite song on a gorgeous day in paradise after the perfect meal wearing your best outfit with your favorite person.
Recently a whole lot of stinky, moldy shit came raining down on my life at once... I mean, a frickin poop thunderstorm crashing down on me and it didn't seem to knock me down. In the past, one drop of that shit woulda set me off... but by the time I was knee deep in it, it didn't hurt. It went from me drowning in it to me running through it like it was a part of an obstacle course or race that I knew I was gonna win! I'm telling you, if I gave you the details of this shit storm, you would think I'm writing a screen play. I promise, it's some shit...
but I'm healthy. I'm alive, more alive than I've ever been. My brain works and my body and bodily functions still function well... I have the common sense and intelligence to learn, absorb and apply. Learning about who I am and learning about how much my loved ones really do un-conditionally love me makes me feel like the most secure and powerful person I have ever been!
EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH LOVE
My father and I had the best conversation we ever had yesterday... My mother and I had a similar one in shorter length about ten months ago. My brother and I and my sister and I had a falling out a month ago that I feel made us closer simply by helping us overstand eachother better... The girl I'm dating is well... awesome, simply awesome and I'm just in a great mood a lot more than I used to be!
It was but a year or more ago that I wrote "As Good As It Gets" and the answer to that is... it gets better and Better and BETTER!!!!!
