Crying... no Bawling un-controllably! WTF? Sometimes thoughts of then and now hit me so hard in the chest I actually fall to the ground in pure agony. Like, now at this fucking painful moment in this beautiful life in hell. Holy smokes... I can smell my heart burning. Seem to be moving forward but every now and then I will drift for days and wake up in a different place wondering how the hell I got there! Now, here, fucked, or... not, just hurting. I love You and I miss You and I pray for you and I am happy to see you and I am am lucky to be with you and I am not mad at you and I don't blame you and I hope you forgive me because I forgive you and I learned from you and hope to guide you and I have been liberated by you and fall to my knees weak for you and ache for you and am I without you and am better with you and better off without you and uplifted when I rejoice with you and dance with you to nothing but the song my heart creates with you and am drowning in tears lost in thoughts of you and am fucked up over you and stand tall and see clear with you when I talk with you when I smile back at you . . . are all a reflection of I . . . Love you
Oh God... I NEED this freedom. This one thing so coveted by all... freedom. Where? How? When? When. . .
On and on we go looking for answers to questions that may have nothing to do with what's been put forth for us. Finding ourselves babbling on and on. . . run on sentences in online blogs. . . helping to stop our eyes from leaking. Shit. Happens to be that clear to me that we can make all kinds of plans for ourselves, our lives, our loved ones, our careers, our dreams.. plans that we can watch go out the door as destiny takes it's course. Ha Ha to the I for not realizing that only 2 of my eyes were blind while the third eye was dry...
